The Odd Begining
by thekingofoldmen
Summary: Well... those of you who have read my other fics, DONT WORRY this one doesnt stink!
1. The beginning

Narrator: and here begins... a new saga of... ohhhhh I don't know. I asked that old future sight guy to tell me but noooooooo  
  
Zelda: Hey! Mido wanna play candy land  
  
Mido: C-C-C-C-C-CANDY land... WHERES THE CANDY WHERE, WHERE, WHERE, WHERE, WHERE IS IT YOU CANDY WIELDER...(mumbling to himself)If Zelda is a candy wielder it means she wields candy... therefore making her... A CANDY WIELDER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Zelda: SHUT THE HECK UP MIDO, I DON'T HAVE CANDY!!!!!!!  
  
Link: what can we do... I bored out of my SKULL  
  
Skull kid: make that... THICK skull  
  
Link: oh, yeah, you're the one to talk!  
  
Skull kid: NO FAIR...my skull Is a birth defect  
  
Ganondorf: What's that??? Does it mean I can hit your skull(hits skull kids skull and it breaks)  
  
Skull kid:YOU STUPID RETARD  
  
Ganondorf: Hey! HEY! YOU WANNA TAKE THIS OUTSIDE!!!  
  
Skull kid:YAAAAAA  
  
Ganondorf:(backing away)awwwwww...but it's raining  
  
Skull kid: YOU ARE THE MASTER OF EVIL AND YOU ARE LETTING a tincy bit of RAIN SCARE YOU  
  
Ganondorf:(hesitates) yes...  
  
(Princess Ruto flops through door with saria and naburoo)  
  
Ruto: well.... You are here and may do what ever you want to ganondorf  
  
Ganondorf: uh-oh  
  
Naburoo: WHY'D YOU TURN ME INTO A STATUE  
  
Ganondorf: YOU TURNED TRAITORUS  
  
Naburoo: right...... well.... Lets do something...  
  
Ganondorf:well... as of right now, I think everyone's pretty much occupied with something else(Mido beating up zelda and screaming GIMME CANDY YOU CANDY WIELDER)(Link swinging master sword at inflatable ganon balloon)(Ruto and Saria talking about link and staring at him)  
  
(ominous music begins)  
  
Saria: Alright, Who brought the record player  
  
Link: Saria, No one brought a record player... that's the first clue that the kingofoldmen is coming and tha---  
  
(dramatic weather change)  
  
Link:That's the second sign, now I'll know if hes coming becau—  
  
(Doors burst open)  
  
Zelda: EVERYONE FOR THE BUNKERS, LINK DEFESIVE MANUVER 8. EVERYONE ELSE.... RUNNNNNNNNN AAAAAAAWWAAAAAAAAYYY  
  
Link: HOLY—  
  
Dark O'malley: YO RETARD this is a PG fic. DUH  
  
Link: WHY IS EVERY ONE CUTTING ME OFF  
  
Ruto: I have to... uhhhhhhhh spend some time in the water I uhhh am uhhh feeling dry BYE!!! (charges out door)  
  
DO: soooooooooooooooooooooooo what are we gonna do?  
  
Ganondorf: I ALREADY WENT THROUGH THIS!!! If you and the kingofoldmen made that dramatic entrance about a second earlier you would know that Link is swinging the master sword at an inflatable me...skull kid is looking for—  
  
Skull kid: HI YA (chops ganondorf in half)  
  
Skull kid: WOW... that was pure power  
  
Zelda:MIDO what the heck is wrond with you first you were asking me "oD ouy ekil eseehc" NOW THIS!!!!!!! I don't have any gogdarn CANDY you idiot!!!!!!!  
  
Mido: right lets go play basketball  
  
All: YEAH  
  
(on the Hyrule "got game" area court)  
  
(naburoo throws the tip off )  
  
(Link tips it off to zelda )  
  
Zelda: YAY I GOT THE Ball WAH—(trips) STUPIS DRESS  
  
(link gets ball and Dark O'Malley steals the ball from him)  
  
KOM: oh dark one, Im OPEN(do passes to kom)  
  
(King of old men goes for a dish fake and passes up to ganondorf who does an ally oop and breaks the hoop)  
  
Saria: SO MUCH FOR THAT!!!!!!!!!  
  
Skull kid:lets hmmmm I DON'T KNOW  
  
Link: I GOT IT lets play "kill ganondorf"  
  
Ganondorf: NO lets play "kill link"  
  
Mido: NO NO lets play "Kill zelda until she gives me candy"  
  
Zelda : NO NO NO lets play "kill mido for trying to kill me"  
  
Saria: NO NO NO NO lets play "chase link" as ten year olds  
  
Zelda and naburoo: YEAH  
  
(princess ruto pops out of no where)  
  
Ruto: IF where playin that im stay—  
  
(link plays song of little people)  
  
(the girls including link turn into ten year olds)  
  
Ganondorf:HEY!!! It only worked on them  
  
10 link: OH WELL (girls start chasing link)  
  
10 link:(dreamily) I like this game  
  
(later) King of old men: NOW IM GOING TO.... Uhhhh... uh(pulls paper from his pocket) Beat thou to a pulpeth and youeth can choseth to be or not to be a pulpeth now how is thy?  
  
Link:HOLY—  
  
Kom: PG!!  
  
Link:DON'T DO THAT!!!!!!!!!  
  
(kom and link start killing each other)  
  
(people from lord of the rings randomly appear in room)  
  
Frodo: HEY THEY HAVE SWORDS that must make them ORCS!!!  
  
(joins fight with link and kom)  
  
Smeagal:Me must help master  
  
Gollum: NO kill him  
  
Smeagal: IM NOT LISTINING TO YOU  
  
Gollum: KILL HIM  
  
Smeagal:uhh yes master  
  
(joins fight)  
  
Sam: ILL SAVE MR. FRODO FROM THAT THING  
  
(joins fight)  
  
(all the zelda girls join to save link)  
  
Ganondorf and mido: Oh, heck with it  
  
(everyone in the fight)  
  
From inside the fight:OW THAT DOESN'T BEND THAT WAY From inside the fight: Who evers tryin to bite of mr frodos finger has got my leg in there mouth  
  
From inside the fight: phht phht GROOSSSSSEEEEEE  
  
From inside the fight:HEY!!! Who just I heard some one eating candy!!!!  
  
(stops in mid battle)  
  
Mido:WHOS GOT THE CANDY  
  
Skull kid: THAT WAS SOMEONE CRACKING MY SKULL  
  
Mido:Oh, I STILL THINK THERES CANDY  
  
Ruto: WHY ARE YOU OBSESSED ABOUT WITH CANDY(holds out bags of smartys) 'CAUSE I GOT LOADS OF IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
(everyone kills Ruto for the candy)  
  
Ganondorf:This is making me wanna ask questions...:(Clears throat)Is Doctor Pepper a real doctor?Do smartys make you smart?How'd Those people from the lord of the rings get here? And OF COURSE ho—  
  
Frodo:well sorrrrrrrrrrrrry  
  
(LOTR characters disappear)  
  
(Zelda group start playin Super Smash Bros.)  
  
Link: I CALL ME!!!  
  
Zelda: ME TOO  
  
Ganondorf: YOU IDIOTS HAVNT UNLOCKED ME!!!!  
  
Mido:I call Peach!!!  
  
(everyone looks at mido)  
  
Mido:........ WHAT???  
  
All:Nothing  
  
Skull Kid:I CALL BOWSER Ruto:HEY!!! Sommmeone said I was a secret character  
  
Link:heh... heh  
  
Ganondorf:Hey!! Were'd Saria Go  
  
All:I dunno  
  
Saria:Im RIGHT HERE YOU IDIOTS!!!!!!!but were'd ZELDA GO!!!!O.K Which one of you idiots stole her???  
  
(Link hides Bag marked "zelda" behind his back)  
  
Saria: HEY LINK!!! YOU Stole her  
  
Link: DID NOT  
  
(two hours later)  
  
Saria: If you didn't then whats in the bag  
  
(link starts sweating)  
  
link:uh CHRISTMAS presents  
  
Zelda:(muffled) HELF EE  
  
Saria:LET HER OUT!!!!!!  
  
Link:DARN YOU!!!  
  
Zelda:(out of bag) YOU IDIOT 


	2. After the odd beginnings

Narrator:(worried)heheh HI!!! Friends!  
  
(Yet another dumb day at hyrule)  
  
Skull kid:HEY! Look at my awesome new Halloween mask  
  
Link:I ALREADY HAD TO RIP THAT POSSESED MASK OFF YOUR HEAD!!! DON'T MAKE ME DO IT AGAIN!!!!!!!  
  
Skull Kid:Nah Nah COME GET ME L-O-S-E-R!!!  
  
(skull kid starts running around the walls)  
  
Link:HOW much candy did that kid have!!!  
  
Skull kid: NONE OF YOUR BEESWAX!!!!  
  
(link starts running around the wall too)  
  
Zelda: (whispering to saria) and he asks US how much candy skull kid had.  
  
Saria: (giggles with zelda)  
  
Ganondorf: LINK!!!! DON'T MAKE ME KILL YOU AGAIN!!!  
  
Link:YOU KILL ME??? I KILLED YOU!!  
  
Mido: AND I KILLED ZELDA!!! FOR CANDY!!!  
  
KOM:And I.... Awww shoot I never killed anybody!!(((  
  
Z-gang:Well, lets teach you how to!  
  
Z-gang:O.K. first pick what you wanna kill!  
  
(Kingofoldmen takes knife and aims it at Skull Kid on the wall)  
  
All: GOOD CHOICE!!!  
  
(then kingofoldmen aims at mido)  
  
All:EVEN BETTER CHOICE  
  
(back to skull kid)  
  
All: JUST DO IT!! (kills skull kid)  
  
kOM: FUN!!!!!  
  
(kills ganondorf)  
  
KOM:WEEEEEEEEEEEEEE  
  
(Kills ruto naburoo and saria)  
  
KOM: IM GLAD YOU GUYS TOUGHT ME HOW TO DO THIS!!!  
  
(Kills all of the Z-gang)  
  
KOM: IM A LUNITIC YAYYYY WHAT A LOOOOSER I AM!!!  
  
KOM:so, guys what do you wanna do???  
  
(no reply)  
  
KOM: COOOOOL!!!! THERE DEAD!!!  
  
(all Z-gang get up)(all bow)  
  
(applause)  
  
KOM: how SHORT was that??? Huh???? HOW SHORT HUH???? 


	3. Links Parents

Narrator: For the first time, this story does NOT begin in the castle  
  
Audience: GASP  
  
Narrator: Link and Zelda are looking for "The Sacred Can Opener"  
  
Link: Zelda I cant find that dumb beaver dam anywhere—HOW HARD CAN IT BE TO FIND A –  
  
(sea monster comes out from nowhere)  
  
Link: DAMN  
  
(Later, Climbing up a mountain)  
  
Zelda: OKAY, you go around on this side of the mountain, I'll go on the other side  
  
Link: O.K.  
  
(Link starts climbing) (inches away from the top he falls)  
  
Link: SHHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII (thud)  
  
(Link FINALLY makes it to the top)  
  
(Zelda sitting there with a beard)  
  
Zelda: Umm... if you were wondering, there was an elevator on the other side  
  
(Links head catches fire) (Zelda and Link fall into a pit)  
  
Link: WOW! What is this place  
  
Masked stranger: Well, HI there guys. I mean (clears throat)(deeper voice) Fear me my guests  
  
Link: you've been... excepting us???  
  
MS: Well DDDDDDDDDUUUUUUHHHHHH. I MEAN yes, yes my guests of course I have  
  
Link: HOLY CRAP ZELDA LETS GET OUTTA HERE, THIS GUYS EITHER CRAZY! OR SPENT ONE TO MANY VISITS TO THE DRUG STORE Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh  
  
Zelda: Person... guy... Do you know about "The Sacred Can Opener"  
  
MS: Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-NO  
  
(Zelda holds knife up to masked strangers head)  
  
MS: I ADMIT IT!!!... IM MIDO!  
  
Zelda: MIDO??? YOU FREAKIN' IDIOT, I FREAKIN HATE YOU  
  
Mido: Good bye... my love  
  
Zelda: what the HELL?  
  
Mido: Yeaaaah I don't know about you... but this is an odd moment for me... so... BYE ( Mido blows himself up out of the cave thing) WAAAHO!  
  
Zelda: Well... that was odd!  
  
( Later once they have the can opener)  
  
( Link is on the computer)  
  
Computerized voice: Hello, You may now bring any two people here!  
  
Link: (in his mind) HEY this isn't my porn site  
  
Zelda: OO BRING LINKS PARENTS HERE  
  
( Links parents are at the door)  
  
Links Dad: Hey my show offy self isn't in the Bahamas  
  
Links mom: or my Nerdy self  
  
Authors note His mom and dad are based on Andrew and Shannon. (O'Malley this is basically a joke between us two that well only get)  
  
Link: Zelda you freaking idiot. My parents are losers  
  
Zelda: (snicker) I can ALREADY tell  
  
Links dad: ME and my show offy butt are gonna go to the bathroom  
  
Links mom: Don't fall inside the vicinities again.  
  
Links dad: I WAS TRYING A BACK FLIP KOM: WAS THAT SHORT OR WHAT? ILL TELL YA! IT WAS SHORT AS HELL! 


End file.
